Do you hear that? It's another issue of the University Observer coming your way! You better start running!

By Sasha Shame | Apr 23 2024

It's AWARDS SEASON! Congratulations to those on the University Observer team who were nominated and those who won in the SMEDIAS last week - including moi! Now that I'm a winner, you know I'm trustworthy, so if you have something you want to say, go to the Qualtrics link in my bio (@sasha._.shame on Instagram). 

Just how unhinged is it to use LinkedIn as a dating app? Asking for a friend …

Straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Why? What is appealing about LinkedIn as a place to date? Do you get off on reading a CV? I'm a strong believer in the idea of "don't shit where you eat,” and to me, that means don't date where you work – keep professional and personal separate. Sure, it's good to have things in common, and maybe you can bond over a shared passion! But LinkedIn?! That's like flirting at a conference about taxes. 

If you are finding people interesting on LinkedIn, maybe look for them on a dating app? Or like, out in the world? Meet in person, talk for a bit, then ask if they'd like to go for dinner/drinks/etc. I feel like you get such a specific idea of a person on LinkedIn that literally how could you decide you want to try dating? You fascinate me.

Should you commit to dating via a website for professional networking, I'd say lean into the work environment of it all. "Hey bae, want 2 have an HR meeting about this tension between us?" Or something. I don't know, I don't flirt, it's above my pay grade.

A guy ghosted/started being rude after a first date. His friend (who I knew before I knew the date) has started chatting with me and I think I like him. We already have a casual friendship but am I the villain after going on a date with his friend weeks ago?

Here's the thing: you'll always be the villain to somebody, in almost any situation. Personally, I like to think of myself as a Monster of the Week. I may not be in on the drama long (I get bored quickly), but I'm a little terror for the time I'm there. Frankly, if the guy has been rude to you after the date with no communication as to why he doesn't want to keep talking, who cares what he thinks? If his friend is into you and you're into him, then why not go for it? You didn't ghost the first guy, he ghosted you – it's not your responsibility to worry about their friend group or the feelings of the guy who ghosted you. Do what you want, and in the words of CMAT, have fun!

Hey Sasha, in dire need of advice here: How do I get better at responding to people being nice to me? I want my friends to know that I love and appreciate them, especially when they say lovely and sweet things to me out of the blue, but every time it happens I feel like I just clam up and make everyone feel awkward! I love compliments as much as anyone but I never know what to say back :( help pls!!! I have so much affection to give!!

I couldn't tell you, but when you find out please let me know! Intimacy is like… so crazy. What do you mean you can tell someone you love them without your entire body seizing up? People are really out here saying how they feel. Wild.

It's hard expressing yourself, and it's not like it's encouraged in us either. But it's good to be able to tell people how you feel – I've started saying "I love you" more to my friends this year and it's been so good for me and my relationships. But it's hard! It's hard, and so I think the best way to get better is to be patient with yourself. You're not used to it, take your time adjusting. Maybe you can find other little ways to express your affection without using your words as well if saying it is proving a challenge. Little gifts, cards, and small gestures to show you care! I also feel that, for me at least, a lot of what made me feel tense and awkward when people would say nice things was a lack of belief in what they were saying. Yes, diva. I'm telling you to love yourself. Unfortunately, the cliché is real! RuPaul says it best, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? #TheFracking

On that note, this has been another issue of the University Observer and I have been, for the last time this year, your Agony Aunt. It might only be a student paper, but it's truly been so much fun reading, writing and ruining lives for this column! I can't thank the UO editors, Tessa and Ilaria, enough for having me, and likewise, the OTwo magazine editors, Isabella and Lucy, for all the support they've all given my column. Beauty is pain and I'm in Agony!

See you in the stars,

Sasha Shame