This Black History Month, the University Observer is collaborating with UCD Drama Society for Praise Titus' "We Dance" (happening in Smock Alley Theatre's main space on November 2nd at 7.30pm).
Additionally, the cast of The Boulet Brothers' Dragula season 5 has been announced, and I am once again your Agony Aunt, here to answer the queries and concerns of UCD - submitted anonymously through my Tipbox (link in my bio: @sasha._.shame on Instagram x).
Sasha Shame, the only way for me to do work is to be stoned out of my mind. How do I stop being such a productive stoner?
Anonymous, I have a question for you: why would you stop?? This sounds like a win-win situation - you get high AND you get your work done! Productivity is such an issue for stoners, but you've cracked the code! You've outdone the matrix! You're like the Neo of college students. Hail our Chosen One!! I also desperately need to know what it is you're smoking - is it the weed itself making you productive? What is this miracle strain? Where can I get some??
I guess there are downsides to the Mary-Jane-and-Ashley that might make getting stoned for every essay less than ideal. Alright, fine, in spite of my personal feelings, I will help you overcome this. As with any drug, I would say the first step is to wean yourself off - going cold turkey won't do you any good. If you smoke four times a week, try bringing it down to two or three, and try to reduce the amount of weed you're consuming (blunt, brownie, etc.). Gradually reducing the dosage and the frequency of use should help you on a steady path to no longer being reliant!
I have to wonder: does this stoned productivity get the work done well, or does it just Get It Done. If it's the latter… smoking less is probably for the best if you want to let your sober brain actually get you the grades you're capable of (education isn't everything, college grades don't define your worth, etc.), but if it's the former… Keep smoking. Yeah, sure, smoke less, take my advice - I'm sure it's better for your health long-term. However, if you're not just more productive, but putting out higher quality work too… Well, then I can't see how a little green every now and then is THAT bad… for exam season, you know?
Tell me why I've accidentally slept with my cousin TWICE? What’s worse, he most likely knew who I was this whole time. Should I even try and talk to him about it? Should I pretend it didn't happen ? PLEASE HELP.
When I read this first, I was speechless… and then all of my speech came back to me. Now, I already knew business and commerce girlies were freaky, but this takes the CAKE. I am not implying here that you are a freak, you didn't know of course - but your COUSIN?? This is not just darksided, this is an affront to God, the angels and the saints, and the Blessed Virgin Mary herself.
I think first of all you need to see a priest. If you can’t find one who’s up to the Gargantuan task, I’d seek therapy immediately. UCD Counselling offers free sessions and are quite quick to reply if you fill out their form online! This is truly wild, and I cannot imagine what you're going through mentally. If you think it would help you to talk to him about it, I can't say it wouldn't be cathartic at least!
The important thing to remember is that unfortunately a murder would not be forgiven by the law, even under these circumstances. However, if you recall from our last issue, I do have connections to the online black market that could be of use should you require them… Drop me a line and we'll see what we can do.
I just started college, I’m absolutely loving it, but I'm so wrecked from doing stuff all the time. Between classes, clubs, societies, and going out with mates, I feel like I'm always running on empty, but I don't wanna miss out either. Any tips on doing everything and not passing away while I'm at it?
- anonymous amongus
My best advice is to keep going, never stop, no breaks, no waiting, yes all the time, always moving. No sleep, bus, club, another club, another club, plane, next place, and keep that up until you die! In showbiz, it's better to die busy than live bored - take it from me, a withered old hag at 21 years old doing an arts degree.
Seriously though, I'm not actually telling you to work yourself to death. It's wonderful that you're so invested in social life - in my opinion, the best thing that comes from your college experience - but you also don't want FOMO to take over! Similar to our pot-riddled pal from one of the other questions in this issue, I think your key will be finding a balance. You are not losing out by saying no every now and again - especially when it comes to your studies. I say again, dear readers, that your grades do not define your worth. However, the money spent on college and the value of learning is lost on you if you're too busy with pints to get any reading done - or whatever it is STEM majors do. So, even though it sucks to opt out of the craic, every once in a while it's for the best while you're pursuing your studies. More important than college work, I'd say, is your health! Sleep, food, rest and relaxation (shout out Ottessa x) are obviously so important, and if you're in good health, nights out are all the more fun! In short, my recommendation is to learn how and when to say no. You'll thank yourself in the long run, trust me!
Other than that, you could clone yourself to do everything, everywhere, all at once. If this option is a possibility, I'd warn you to keep an eye on your clones for any signs of uprising - particularly whichever clone or clones you assign to the more gruelling tasks. A rota may be good to implement, making sure every 'you' gets a chance for the more fun stuff, as well as the responsibility of chores, homework, etc. Also worth mentioning that in the aftermath of the SAG-AFTRA strike, cloning is considered unprincipled and may prevent you from joining a union in future. Best of luck to you! And you! And you! And you. And you. And you. And you…
As we close out this issue of the University Observer, I'd like to draw all of your attention again to the ticket link in the Observer's Instagram bio for "We Dance", a phenomenal show written and directed by Praise Titus with pieces by Tishé Fatunbi, Usher Titus, Siobhán Matshazi, Erica Tarfa and Odi Anyanwu. This astounding piece of theatre about the experiences of Black women in the present day is not to be missed - we hope to see you there! As ever, I am always accepting submissions in my Tipbox, and until the next issue, I have been your Agony Aunt.
Take it sleazy,
Sasha Shame