Agony Aunt: Vol XXVII Issue 6

Image Credit: Laoise Tarrant

Hello! My name is Joanne Joanne - drag legend, eleven-time Grammy winner, full-time resident of the tunnels in the Newman Building. This is OTwo’s best ever Agony Aunt column - that's right, the good people at The University Observer saw the way 2020 has gone, thought about who can be there as a light in the dark for the struggling students of UCD, and settled on a twenty-year-old drag queen from the backarse of County Wicklow. I'm as delighted as you are! I'll be answering your questions on love, sex, college, or anything else via submissions in my Tipbox - do send your questions in! Nothing is too weird! I am incredibly nosy!

"Dear Joanne Joanne,
My best friend is in a long distance relationship with an American, and she blocked me from her instagram because she said her boyfriend doesn't like her talking to other guys, despite the fact nothing would ever happen between us. It's been months since she blocked me, so how do I tell her that he's controlling and to unblock me?
Thank you!!!"

This behaviour? WACK. The boyfriend being possessive over his partner? WACK. The fact that this has been going on for months? INSANITY.

If she has you blocked on Instagram, what forms of communication do ye still have? If ye're best friends then surely ye can keep in touch in other ways - it might be worth pointing this out to her. Her blocking you doesn't even achieve what this ratbag of a partner thinks it does. It's also worth pointing out that, as far as I'm concerned, this is straight up abuse - the boyfriend has absolutely no business deciding who his partner can or can't talk to. It's a huge violation of her ability to make her own decisions. 

She may genuinely not know that she's being manipulated until someone spells it out for her. It'll be a hard conversation but definitely the right one to have. Let me know how it goes - if it doesn't work, I will personally order a hit on her boyfriend. For legal reasons, that is a joke.


"Dear Joanne Joanne,
I have a major problem. I got very drunk on Grindr one or two (or five) times during lockdown, and happily shared my phone number, nude pics, and some very freaky ideas to some guys. Now it is more locked down than ever, and some of them are expecting me to come over and live up to my filthy promises. How do I explain to them that I don't really want to meet up in lockdown, and even if I did I might not be able to live up to my crazy kinky promise to them?
Feeling Regret sEnding About Kink"

The overwhelming impression I'm getting from the questions I've answered this year is that Grindr really is a hellscape. I won't be convinced otherwise. 

Sometimes (only sometimes), the best thing to do is be honest - if you're still interested in these guys and would like to meet up with them at some point, it's probably best to let them know that you may have been, for lack of a better word, ambitious while flirting with them. Honestly, who knows when restrictions will lift at this point, so I think it's important that you let them know that meeting up during lockdown is off the cards. Not only would you be risking getting Covid, you'd also risk a bad hookup - a real nightmare for any homosexual.

It might be uncomfortable to let them know your intentions have changed but you have every right to do so; one of the most important things about consent is that it can be revoked at any time. Just because it was 4am on a Friday night when you were texting them doesn't mean you're as - ahem - invested now as you were then. 

Alternatively, when restrictions ease, you could always change your name, vanish without a trace and start a new life in Mexico. Now THAT'S drama.