Agony Aunt: Vol XXVII Issue 5

Image Credit: Laoise Tarrant

Hello! My name is Joanne Joanne - drag legend, eleven-time Grammy winner, full-time resident of the tunnels in the Newman Building.

 This is OTwo’s best ever Agony Aunt column - that's right, the good people at The University Observer saw the way 2020 has gone, thought about who can be there as a light in the dark for the struggling students of UCD, and settled on a twenty-year-old drag queen from the backarse of County Wicklow. I'm as delighted as you are! I'll be answering your questions on love, sex, college, or anything else via submissions in my Tipbox - do send your questions in! Nothing is too weird! I am incredibly nosy!

Dear Joanne Joanne,
Back in September, I was dumped over text. The person who dumped me is now using that very same medium to send me "couple goals" Tiktoks. How do I explain to them that this is weird behaviour?
Tiktok Tribulations

BRUH. As a certified 21st-century wuhmann, I too have seen some foul things on TikTok. For the most part, I'm able to do something about it - for example, every time a boring straight couple with 250,000 followers and a merch link in their bio ends up on my ‘For You’ page, I immediately report the video as an act of violence committed by a dangerous organisation. Some call it unnecessary, I call it activism.

 "Couple goals" TikToks of any kind are a crime against nature as it is, but the situation you're describing is also a massive breach of any kind of boundary that would have been set after the breakup. I would strongly suggest that you text your ex and explain that it's just not okay for them to constantly send you these kinds of videos. I would suggest telling them not to send you any kind of videos, honestly. Have a word with them calmly if you like, but if you want to put your foot down don't be afraid to be blunt. That might sound harsh, but also they dumped you over text - I don't think they can complain about being rude at this point.

If they keep at it, don't be afraid to block them if you need to. What can they do about it? Send TikToks to you over email? I don't think so.

Dear Joanne Joanne
My single friends are having boy problems and I don't know how to help. As someone happy in their long term relationship, I don't know how to respond when they start worrying about their (very complicated) relationships. It's especially hard when I can't hug my girls when they cry over their shit exs on zoom? How can I help comfort them without rubbing my relative romantic success in their face?

Imagine literally never having any problems. This is a situation I have dealt with before, but more often than not I am on the other end. I'm normally the terminally single friend telling the Zoom call about the fact that there are just no gay people on rural Tinder - just an abundance of torsos called John who are not out and, as I've read too many times, "never on this so here's my Snapchat". At the big age of 22! Disgraceful.

Even though you're happy in your current relationship, if you have any stories of horrible dates or bad exes, it might be worth bringing them up now and then if you're comfortable. Not to make the whole conversation about you exactly, but to kind of relate to the gals if that makes sense? You could also be really messy and just make something up. I do not recommend this.

I obviously can't speak for all single people here, but what I will say is that it's always nice to have someone to vent to about the rotted boys of the world, even if that person is in a happy relationship. I don't think there's really an awful lot for you to worry about - as long as you're there for your friends that's the most important thing. It can be awkward thinking of responses, but just being there to assure them they're not crazy will mean a lot. As they say in the Holy Bible, "just smile and wave, boys".