Agony Aunt: Vol XXVII Issue 4

Image Credit: Laoise Tarrant

Hello! My name is Joanne Joanne - drag legend, eleven-time Grammy winner, full-time resident of the tunnels in the Newman Building. This is OTwo’s best ever Agony Aunt column - that's right, the good people at The University Observer saw the way 2020 has gone, thought about who can be there as a light in the dark for the struggling students of UCD, and settled on a twenty-year-old drag queen from the backarse of County Wicklow. I'm as delighted as you are! I'll be answering your questions on love, sex, college or anything else via submissions in my Tipbox - do send your questions in! Nothing is too weird! I am incredibly nosy!

- Dear Joanne Joanne,

So I'm a guy who's interested in guys... But I have a problem. I'm really not interested in butt stuff. And I keep seeing it in porn and stuff, and other gay people talking about it and I really just don't like the idea. It sounds painful and disgusting. I'm fine with other people liking it but... I can't help feeling there's something wrong with me? Like is it usual for a gay man to not like butt stuff? Will a guy sleep with me if I'm not into it? Am I even properly gay if I don't like it?

Let's get one thing straight (ha) - if you are a guy who's interested in guys, you are not any "less gay" just because of what you're not comfortable with sexually. I joke around all the time with my friends that you're not really gay unless you've been streaming Future Nostalgia every day since it came out, but there's no real truth to that and your sexuality isn't determined by something that superficial.

If done properly, anal does not need to be painful at all - as long as both parties are preparing well (using lube) and being safe and responsible (using lube that doesn't burn you), it's very possible to do it in a way that's a fun time for everyone involved. I think I understand what you mean by saying it seems disgusting, but the wonderful thing about asses is that they can be washed - I encourage everyone to wash theirs regularly.

All that being said, I am sure you can still find someone to sleep with even if you're absolutely not comfortable with any backdoor activity. As art teachers all over the world would say, some people are just better with their hands - use your imagination! Get creative! Go stupid!

- Dear Joanne Joanne,

How do I get my partner to put on a maid dress and let me make a Tik Tok out of it? They're not cooperating no matter how much I bring it up. Send help!

As an attention-loving beast I cannot relate to not wanting to have a cute look shown off on social media, but I have been told that camera shyness is a real thing and not a medical myth from the 1850s. It's also very possible that they aren't sure specifically what kind of maid costume you are talking about. Personally, I only caught on to the sudden popularity of maid costumes on the internet in the past few weeks, and I was shocked to see it was a trend - I've owned a black and white pinafore that makes me look like a mid-1700s farm hand for about two years and only NOW is it catching on. My time has come! I can churn butter without judgement now!

Maybe if you showed them examples of the maid costume you're thinking they might be able to make an informed decision? I feel like it's easy to hear "I think you should put on this maid costume" as "I want you to abandon technology and sell Bertha, our finest cow, for five dollars or we won't be able to eat for three months". Common misunderstanding, I hear it all the time. It's also possible they just do not want to do it - maid costumes are for everyone, but some people are simply allergic to fashion. If they're really uncomfortable, you should probably just let it go.

Or you could get them a maid costume for Christmas. 'Tis the season.