Agony Aunt, Vol. XXVII Issue 1

Image Credit: Laoise Tarrant

Hello! My name is Joanne Joanne - drag legend, eleven-time Grammy winner, full-time resident of the tunnels in the Newman Building. This is the first installment of what will be OTwo’s best ever Agony Aunt column

That's right, the good people at The University Observer saw the way 2020 has gone, thought about who can be there as a light in the dark for the struggling students of UCD, and settled on a twenty-year-old drag queen from the backarse of County Wicklow. I'm as delighted as you are! I'll be answering your questions on love, sex, college or anything else via submissions in my Tipbox - do send your questions in! Nothing is too weird! I am incredibly nosy!

Dear Joanne Joanne,
Last year I had a falling out with my college friends, they're not really my friends anymore which I'm not upset about at all but I'm going back now and I'm only friendly with maybe two people in my class. I'm just worried, how do I make things not awkward? Or avoid any confrontations with people.
Any advice?

It's really easy to see the capital-C. E. College Experience as one where you're constantly bumping into people you know or making new friends every other day. That's not the reality for a lot of people, and it's completely normal to have difficulty with others from time to time. 

Try your best to make other friends while still knowing you have these two people you've mentioned as a backbone. If Miss Rona ever allows events, go to them - go to as many as you can - a lot of people will be eager to make new friends and meet new people after being locked down for so many months. 

As far as things being awkward goes, that's a situation where it really does take two to tango - you can do your bit to keep things civil and cordial, but if they're not following suit there's not a whole lot you can do about it. At that point it becomes their problem more than yours, but you've done all you can. Don't interact unless you're totally comfortable with it. Remain calm. Slip some rat poison in their coffee. Destroy the evidence.

Dear Joanne Joanne,
I was just wondering if it’s normal for a gay guy to be scared of hook ups? I’m not masculine or feminine and would preferably like a steady boyfriend to sleep with but that seems unlikely.

This is totally normal! From my experience, it's very easy to feel like a lot of the people around you are hooking up with other people, even if you've never done it before or are uncomfortable with it. That's part of the reason I've never used Grindr - that, and the amount of faceless profiles. If I wanted to look at men's torsos all day, I'd just buy some underwear from Penneys and keep the box.

It's easy to think that being masculine or feminine has some effect on your ability to get laid but I can promise you that's not the case - if you are not naturally a "masculine" guy then there is no point in trying to project that image to other people. It sounds cheesy but you really shouldn't pretend to be someone you're not when you're looking for a partner - that does nobody any favours.

Also, don't think that you getting a steady boyfriend is unlikely! That lack of confidence is going to bite you in the ass (and not in the fun way) if you let it get to you. It's easier said than done, but the most important thing is to not stress too much, and make sure you're only doing things you're comfortable with. Be yourself! Step your pussy up! Get a job! Suck a dick!

That's all from me this time! I got a lot of submissions for this issue - more than I could answer in one go - but if your question wasn’t answered this time don't let that stop you from sending them in! If you would like to ask for my advice, you can find the link to my Tipbox on the UO's “Contact Us” page and their social media pages. You can find me (and the link to the Tipbox) on Instagram at @joannesquared, and you can catch me on Saturdays downstairs in the Newman Building eating a Petit Filous in the corner between 4 and 5am.