Aunt E answers your qualms, conundrums, and, uhm, general statements.
Good News! She’s Dead! Oh you wish.
Welcome Ozians, Belfielders, admirers from all lands. It is your favourite Aunt E(lphaba) here to guide you through the next month of your little lives. I of course have been preparing for the release of a certain film this month. Oh, some indie, high-brow, under the radar number. A24, was it? Now when John (M. Chu) asked me to join him as his leading lady it was the hardest decision of my life to let him down, but we must be a good sport. To the issues at hand: whenever I see someone less fortunate than I - and let’s face it, who isn’t less fortunate than I, my phone buzzes and the editor tells me to put down the martini and get my article in. So here I am, descending from my bubble to help you dear students of UCD.
(Toss Toss)
Society Committee Incest. Discuss.
Wait, that’s it? It’s not even a question.
Never one to leave a dear student in the lurch, let’s explore this. I suppose that it does not make a difference politically unless there’s a power struggle there. And my readers would not write to me about any old relationship. No, this is bigger, there’s more to this. Oh my Oz you’re sleeping with the auditor!
You’re sick.
I can only imagine the pick up lines: Are you an access card? Because I’m open to you 24/7…You can have the key to my office…and that’s all I’ve got. My this is difficult, not for me but for you, you will never live this down. I can only wish you strength as this continues because I cannot give you my blessing. You’re in some deep shiz.
Of course if you were acting with an ulterior motive, maybe vying for funding, or for your directorial debut, maybe new jerseys?…I’d say power to you and fingers crossed (something has to be).
My crush works in the student centre and I’m just another student to them. How do I make a move without having to pay yet another €3 to ask them for a towel?
A crush working in the student centre, a tale as old as Oz. Holding space for the nonchalant walk by the desk (toss toss) to see who’s working, striking an unnecessary conversation about how busy they are, emptying the bank account for a towel to extend the interaction by a sentence or two. It’s giving…desperate. No hate. Do you truly believe that your dream lover sits behind that desk in a UCD quarter zip, watching netflix instead of working? Have some dignity, bring your own towel, and with the money you save, buy Hinge+; it won’t be any better but you can say that you’re not dating someone from the messy olympic sized pool of the student centre - a win is a win.
I’m struggling to put myself out there friend and relationship wise, and accidentally shut it down before it begins. I think that I’m scared of the rejection? Or of being hurt? I feel like I don’t have anything to offer.
My dearest darlingest nibling, your Aunt E is no stranger to the woes of friendships and relationships. First we self-reflect, are you actively introducing yourself to people, going for coffees, making the painful smalltalk? If yes then I’m sorry I cannot help you. I’m kidding. Limiting yourself is unintentionally self-destructive. Telling yourself, “I’m not that girl”, is so utterly draining. Aunt E believes that you need to get right on down to the Ozdust Ballroom (The George) and to keep dancing through life. You’re going to meet a lot of people that you don’t entirely click with, but by continuing to put yourself out there, and staying true to yourself, you will find your tribe. As for having nothing to offer, one of the best known musicals in the world is releasing a movie version in two parts, and is having world wide premieres for a story that is told 8 shows a week on Broadway and the Westend. I think you can get more mileage out of that word count my love.
Right, is that all?
Brilliant. I have Cynthia and Ari popping round for book club and I really must have the tissues ready. I do love you all deeply, my niblings. I do believe I have been changed for the better. And because I knew you, I have been changed for good. (You really can see me in pink, can’t you!)