As sure as there’s a hole in yer arse, I swear to Jaysus dese letters came teh me…

Dear Anto,

I have quiet an embarrassing problem. Basically, whenever I piss, I shake the lad and put him to bed. However, when he put to bed, he leaks a little more pee, sometimes it can take a few minutes for the rest to come out. It’s not cool having piss in your underpants.
Also, if I go into bed with my girlfriend I have to avoid her with my knob or wear boxers until it finishes because, as you know, most girls don’t get off on pissy cocks.
I wipe it with tissue and sometimes I shake it to the point where I’m practically wanking and it makes mo difference. I have what’s called an endo-cyst in my balls and my girlfriend reckons this might have something to do with the leakage. So I’m wondering if this is a common thing that everyone gets or there’s something I can do about it.
By the way I’m 23 years old so I’m not too old for this type of thing to start happening to me.


Howiye Willie,

Are yeh sure yudder not just takin’ a piss? I read sumthin about this where males of dis species piss der sleeping place to mark dier territory. Nutin to be wurried about.

Sum remedies that wurrick wud be to piss on yer burd before goin to the jacks. Not too much – just a bit, and den do yur bizness in the jacks. Dis should shake off the subconscious need to piss after you’ve already dun yur spring-cleaning. Although, I’m aware dis doesn’t solve yur initial problem.

I tink de only ting for you to do wud be to get yurself a burd who’s into that type of shit. Udderwise you’ve no hope of findin’ a partner for life.

Maybe yur pants are too tight, or maybe yur just secretly a disgusting fooker. Try for an answer.


Dear sir/madam,
please print the attached photograph of New York in your publication.
Yours faithfully,
Ryan Kelly

Dear Ryanser,

Yur letters really have to stop. It’s just takin’ the piss at this point. You have problems even I caddint solve.


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