The Badger: A New Hope

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something tangerine in The Badger’s column this week

Something old

Kenny Dalglish is pretty old. Well, in the Badger’s eyes, he’s definitely old school. He’s so old school that he still regards Liverpool as a “big club” that rightfully belongs at the summit of English football. Unfortunately, this is a disorder most Liverpool fans suffer from, even those who don’t remember the glory days and believe the propaganda they’re fed.

Now if King Kenny is to make any progress at Liverpool, he’s going to need an epiphany in which the reality of the situation hits him full force in the face. This epiphany will see him realise what Liverpool really are. The runner-up. The ugly sister. The Stephen Baldwin.

Now admittedly, Liverpool are not a small club. On a scale of Manchester United to Newcastle, they fall somewhere in between. Yet with old wood steering the sinking ship into the Bermuda triangle, they’d be lucky to wind up in Lilliput. However, even twelve times larger than anyone else, they’d only be barely challenging for European Cup places.

At the time of going to print Liverpool were in a terrible state of affairs and it was assumed they would suffer a 2-1 loss to the other Liverpool club. The Badger is happy to incur the wrath of the Kop if his prediction is wrong.

Something New

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. This seems to be the new attitude to managers these days. Apart from the cockney revolution at Spurs under the guidance of cock in chief, Arry Redknapp, managers seem to find their inclusion among the listed bare necessities at any football club becoming reduced.

Firstly, club owners are “reducing” the manager’s input into the general running of the club by entrusting player purchase to a director of football and then making suggestions to the manager with regards to team selection – suggestions that on the face of it look more ultimatum-y than evocative. And once there are tenacious feelings reciprocated, or the manager bites the hand of the Sheik’s trillionaire child for pulling his tail, they dispose of the manager in the green bin.

If the manager is lucky, he may get recycled after about eighteen months or so, but try and tell that to Alan Curbishley and keep a straight face. However, still in crisis times, the cream will rise to the top – the tactical genius of Harry ‘fucking run around a bit’ Redknapp being the cherry on top.

Something Borrowed

Bor·row·ed, verb. Synonyms: use temporarily, loan, David Beckham. The LA Galaxy Milky Way solar system star has arrived back in Europe for his annual visit back to the home of football (no, not China). Again his presence evokes some awkward tension when he refuses to go back after a quick New Year’s holiday home.

Like the non-related uncle who slept with your step-auntie and then got kicked out of home and now sticks around post-Yuletide, Beckham just doesn’t seem to get the picture that football doesn’t want him anymore. Go home David. You’ve missed three weeks of Scientology meetings and Tom Cruise won’t lend you his notes to catch up.

Something Tangerine

Now the Badger will rarely hold his front feet up and say he was wrong, so take a cutting of this article and frame it. Blackpool have utterly proved everyone wrong and continue to play exciting football that ticks all the boxes for the Badger.

Word of warning Blackpool: Hold onto that gem Charlie Adam and keep him away from other Premier League suitors. Without his contributions this season, you would be three goals, four assists and eight points worse off. Not since AC Milan 3-0 Liverpool has the Badger been so royally screwed over by what seemed a definite punters’ banker, but in a change of heart, he is rooting you survive.