The Badger: Winning and Whining


This week, the Badger turns his beady little eyes on footballs newest villain

Disclaimer: Before the Badger gets started it is important to note that each sentence of this article must be preceded (by you the reader because the Badger is too lazy to write it every time), with “Apparently…” and ended with “…the Badger is led to believe.” Lawsuits just aren’t in the Badger’s budget right now.

The Badger is annoyed, very annoyed. Why? Well the answer is very simple – Carlos Tevez.

There are so many reasons to absolutely detest this man. He gets paid more than any person with an IQ lower than their shoe size should, yet spends his time complaining. In fact, he complains more than the Badger, yet not quite so eloquently – probably because of the whole him being a petulant child thing.

The Argentine, although it would be safe to say Argentina would prefer to not be associated with him at this stage, has crossed the line with his gaffer, Roberto Mancini; ironically, by not crossing the sideline.

Tevez wouldn’t go on against Bayern Munich when called upon in the Champions League last week because he was upset at having been ignored after warming up a few minutes before. The Badger would like to remind you that this sorry excuse for a grown man earns over half of Barack Obama’s annual salary… every week.

The same guy tried his very best to move away from Manchester over the summer, after a failed attempt three years ago only got him a few miles down the road to another Manchester club. Unfortunately for poor old Tevez, no one wanted to pay the big bucks for him. How sad. So he stayed and now, for some reason, he feels the right to act as if Man City owes him something. Such behavior is unbecoming of someone who has so little else besides football going for him.

So bad, in fact, is this whole Tevez debacle, or ‘Tevezgate’ (because its not a real incident until someone puts “gate” on the end), that FIFA Vice-President Jim Boyce spoke out in favor of banning Tevez. As formidable as this idea sounded in Boyce’s potent Northern Irish accent, the Badger can’t help but feel that banning someone from playing because they refused to play is not a great punishment, and misses the point a bit.

But footballers aren’t all bad (well, most of them are, in fairness), like the great Lionel Messi. The Barcelona star is slowly transforming into a god-amongst-footballers, so we should start putting up a tree on his birthday and exchanging gifts. If it’s not already apparent, Messi is the “winning” part of the Badger’s very clever title.

The Badger loves nothing more than throwing on a miniature Barcelona jersey and watching Messi make fools out of his opposing defenders. The little winger is mesmerizing to watch, except when he plays for Argentina, but we can only assume that’s because he’s been hit in the face by another of Tevez’s mood swings. He’s started this season as he starts every season; sublimely.

Ok, that’s enough football talk. We’re not getting into GAA though, because Dublin won over a week ago and frankly who even cares anyway – the Badger would like to apologize to the forty loyal Dub fans who might have been offended by that comment and the 300,000 others who hopped on the bandwagon for the day.

In keeping with the topic of whining from those who really shouldn’t be, the Badger would like to hit out at the world of men’s professional tennis. Scotland’s Andy Murray has said that there may be a strike on its way from all the really good tennis players of this world if their schedule isn’t shortened.

The Scot, who’s usually such a bubbly and cheerful guy, feels he’s being made play too many tennis matches to earn the money he wants. Of course, the option of foregoing some money in order to get the rest he needs is always on the cards, but the Badger doubts the tennis pro will pursue that avenue. Basically, Murray needs to stop being so impressionable and copying his mates in the NBA. They’re a bad influence on him.

You’d think all this cynicism would turn the Badger off sport, but really it’s the best part.