Tripping over election posters everywhere you go? Killian Woods vents about their general existence

Election posters are everywhere. Even now that the election has ended, you can’t turn a corner without being stared down by Enda Kenny, or having to see the mug of a smiling candidate looking to charm their way to a cosy pension that will fund their Kerry retirement cottage/300-metre yacht for their jaunts around the Mediterranean.

The facial expressions always seem to bug me. Whether they are forced, awkward, cringing or smug, their demeanour as they look down on us with a sense of desperation in their eyes is mainly annoying because it is pathetic. What are you over-compensating for? Why do you need to be on every lamppost, eh?

In my mind, an election poster says a thousand words and most posters scream out a desperate plea like: “Please vote for me #1 and my friend #2. Please. Well only if you’re not doing anything. Seriously though, don’t go out of your way. Like I’m sure you have more important things to do, but if you’re free on the 25th of February, yeah, that’s right, my name, just below my face. Put a number beside it on a piece of paper. Not a tick! I’d prefer the #1, but it’s up to you. Sure even #3 would do.”

In a sense, some animosity towards election posters stems from their creepy nature. In general, I find it disturbing when the eyes of portraits always seem to be peering at you wherever you go. Their 180-degree obtuse vision follows me everywhere and just as I’ve walked past Dylan Haskins, I turn a corner and see Micheál Martin perched on a set of traffic lights, leaning forward and grinning. Which leads onto a different matter.

What do some of those candidates have to be smiling about? Especially those Socialist Workers Party nut-jobs! A party’s election poster should be a true representation of what their intentions are, so don’t smile at me when you really want to introduce gulags instead of FÁS courses and cap the minimum and maximum wage at three food coupons and a bottle of water.

Summing it all up, it’s the intense manner in which they are plastered everywhere that bugs me. But hey, if this is what you’re into, then you can go through it all again in a few weeks when desperate to be popular and needy puppy-dog-like Students’ Union hacks take their first steps towards a dead end job in the civil service and plead with you for your vote. Like the politicians, make them beg.