Director: Bill Condon
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Michael Sheen, Taylor Lautner
Starting at the last film is rarely the best way to get the most out of a series. Despite not knowing the background of most of the characters, the plot is so simple that the film is actually fairly coherent. It also happens to be painfully boring.
In short, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) has given birth to a child and the father, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) has just turned Bella into a vampire, so she’s recuperating after that ordeal. They’re hanging out in a forest along with some other vampires and Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), the llama-looking werewolf guy who just can’t get over Bella, is also sticking around. A sort of vampire/mafia group seem to have a problem with the fact that Bella and Edward had a baby, so they declared war on them and their friends.
There are very few things right with this film. The acting is poor across the board; the rest of the cast’s total inability to impart any convincing emotion drags down even actors who are normally pretty decent. Dialogue is sometimes delivered with awkward pauses in between each actor’s line, this could have been easily fixed with some clever editing, but for some reason wasn’t. A family of Irish vampires makes an appearance in the film; their accents and appearance reduced a packed cinema to fits of laughter.
It’s hard to fault the story massively given that it’s based on some very dull source material, but when the film does depart from the book hilarity ensues; the major twist of the film just seems to be the classic primary school plot device: “I woke up and it was all a dream”.
An overarching problem with the Twilight Saga is its obsession with being marketable to as young an audience as possible. There’s a fairly ‘brutal’ battle scene towards the end, with a decapitation every other minute, but in an effort to maintain its PG-13 rating, the special effects are reduced to what looks like rubber heads being ripped off a dummy.
Vampires are supposed to be actually scary, not pale lads who’re obsessed with purity. They should want to rip your throat out and drain you of every last drop of blood, not marry you and settle down. There’s nothing scary about The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, in fact, there’s nothing interesting about it either.
In a Nutshell: Stay at home and read or watch anything that isn’t Twilight or its derivatives.