Soapbox: Snowballs


The recent onset of heavy snowfall meant the idiots were out in force, writes Paul Fennessy

Word of advice: If it is snowing heavily and you spot me walking home, do not throw a snowball at me, especially after I’ve endured a long day of work and have managed to survive up until that point on only a few hours of sleep and especially when I’m wearing a pair of expensive glasses which break easily.

Yes, some poor, unfortunate soul who I’d never met in my entire life decided it would be hilarious to hit me, along with other random passers-by (both walkers and drivers) with thick, potentially potent lumps of snow.

You might be thinking: “Oh come on, it’s just a bit of fun, what harm can arise from it?” Well I’m sorry, but this is essentially an assault. It can cause serious damage. Indeed, there have been cases where people have been seriously injured from snowball attacks and lawsuits have resulted.

Would you ever consider going up to someone you’ve never met before and slapping them (aside from on drunken nights out of course)? Would you ever feel the need to purposefully strike strangers with food, a laptop or any other random instrument at your disposal? No. Why not? Well, you see this thing called civilisation occurred many, many years ago. However, after witnessing certain people’s behaviour recently, I’m not convinced the evolution from the apes was entirely successful.

What’s more, I describe this person as ‘poor’ and ‘unfortunate’ because he was not some five-year-old child who didn’t know any better (although he undoubtedly had a similar level of intellect), but a guy who was at least 20 years old. Word of advice to the offender who was most likely a UCD student (the incident took place just outside UCD) and is thus, possibly reading this article: grow up.

Seriously, it frightens me to think of the state of the mind of someone who throws snowballs at oncoming traffic for laughs. They are the type of people whose self-awareness permanently stands at zilch. They are the type of people who talk their way through movies at the cinema, or who always skip ahead in nightclub queues. They are sociopaths, in other words, who cannot comprehend the fact that the world does not revolve around them. Normally, I’m not in favour of the death penalty, but I’m willing to make an exception in this case.

So there you have it: if you see me walking down the street, do not throw a snowball at me or I will kill you. Or at least I’ll attempt to persuade the state to do so on my behalf. Happy new year everyone!