Rugby Fantasies #9



Well…more like trouble.

Well…more like extreme annoyance.

Well…oh you get the drift.

The BGB have suffered their first injury, and as if I’m not busy and important enough, I now have to figure out who to choose as replacement for Ryan Jones. Truth be told, I’m secretly happy about him being injured, for a number of reasons I might add and not all of them to do with maximising points this weekend.

The main one obviously is about maximising points this weekend. Ryan just hasn’t been firing on all cylinders if you ask me, and since you’re still reading I take that as an implicit question. He was one of the targets of my itchy trigger finger during the last week-long rugby hiatus, but was kept due to him being an unnecessary change. And we all know what I must not do with unnecessary changes. (That’s ‘make them’ just in case you weren’t paying attention, or are joining this party late. In which case, you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about and who starts reading the ninth blog in a clearly demarcated series?) So he stayed, and once again performed well…averagely. So average infact that no one noticed he’d hurt himself until yesterday – he must contribute so much in Welsh training camps.

So he’s out, and someone called Delve is in. Now, this gives me the chance to flex that transfer muscle and bring in someone new and exciting to bolster my forwards. But who to pick, that’s the tricksy part.

Do I stick with the Welsh and pick the beautifully coiffed Adam Jones? A Jones for a Jones seems like a nice move, slick and well polished. But I’m not sure how Castro will get on with someone as hairy as him in the forwards, they might fight over the conditioner. What of Martyn Williams, I hear good things from the internet about him. Should I slot him into the vacant spot? He’s a flanker, so he’s more likely to score tries but then, it’s Wales.

Which leads me to the second reason I’m secretly happy Ryan is out. He’s the Welsh captain, and Wales are now coming to Dublin without him. Surely that’s a good thing for Ireland? I would presume that gasp of horror after BOD took Paul O’Connell’s milky white knee to the head last week, that he might be out for three weeks, will be similar to what happened in Cardiff when the Welsh heard Ryan Jones is out.

Even if they don’t care, I now have to care because he wont be in the BGB come Saturday. But now in a fit of rugby genius, I’m considering replacing him with a non-Welsh player. I know, it’s mad isn’t it? For some reason I like to think of it as a ‘tactical’ move, but in reality I’ve just been reading too many message boards and getting carried away with second-hand boardsie whinger knowledge.

Here’s the latest in rugby gossip – Scotland apparently have a great ‘back row’ – one of which is the lovely Big Gay Beard John Barclay. He is my token Scot, my one, my only. So if the Scottish back row is so good, and they’re playing at home this week, maybe he should be joined by either Beattie or Brown? In fact, maybe he should be joined by Beattie and Brown. It could be like the Jonas Brothers.

Because the twist in the tale this week is the fact that Martin Johnson has dropped Lewis Moody to the bench. Yep Mad Dog is just Mad Bench Dog now, and the conspiracy theorists on that there internet would draw attention to the fact that it happened the same week he announced he’s leaving Leicester Tigers. Nothing at all to do with the fact that he was pretty crap against Ireland. Whatever the reason, it’s highly disruptive to my Beards and leaves another gaping hole in the BGB forwards, which in turn means using another of my precious transfers. Which of course means that I could in fact, bring all the Bs together in the back row.

Except, and this is a very important point, they’re Scottish.

Will Scotland beat England at Murrayfield? Maybe. Will Scotland then beat Ireland in Croke Park? I have no clue, but I’d like to say ‘probably not’. Do the words ‘wooden’ and ‘spoon’ mean anything at all?

I could always go for another Italian, but that seems like a terrible idea considering they’re playing France this weekend. Well actually it just seems like a terrible idea any time of the year.

So maybe I should just replace like for like with Moody and throw in another Englander. James Haskell is the first name that

Good times...

springs to mind, fresh from his nightmare hostage situation, he was back on Twitter last night but I think he may have been speaking in code. There was something about a missing dog, which is special ops radio speak if ever I heard it, not sure what it means though.

Maybe I should bring out my loyalty card and replace a Tiger with a Tiger, in which case Dan Cole gets the nod. He even scored a try last week against Ireland (allegedly).

I’m just not made out for these decisions, I know whichever one I make will be the wrong one and I haven’t even looked at the names of the other potential candidates. What if I pick the wrong one and all dreams of topping the league by Sunday are crushed? What if I carry over my disastrous fantasy Premier League form to the BGB? What if Killian Woods beats me?

The pressure is starting to take its toll, and I haven’t even covered the fact that these two enforced changes leave me with one (one!) transfer left for the last week of matches. And I was saving that one. I have a dream of my first and last Six Nations BGB transfers being the exact opposite of one another. I have a dream that MJ will wake up and smell the losing and GET RID OF JONNY WILKINSON. I have a dream that Toby the Tiger will get his shot, and I’ll have exactly one transfer left to bring him back into the BGB fold (even if he is concussed).

Actually I haven’t been sleeping all that well, so this talk of dreams is a little upsetting. I think I’ll go read more informed opinions of drunken Welsh people on, that will help.